The end of Australia

Well hello there people, 

Welcome to the next installment of Around The World in 240 Days, A Tas and Sweed Story. As promised to Rhiannon and Jade (as we have spent the last month together) this blog entry will be about the four of us. So welcome to all the friends and family of our lovely Sutton ladies.

Okay so I last left you when we were on our way to the small town of Noosa. Upon our arrival at Noosa we were greeted by a friendly chap from Leeds who was driving us to the Nomads hostel, we had accommodation booked for one night. The hostel was decent, friendly staff but sadly we all had to settle for top bunks. Sad times. That evening was a lot of fun, starting off at the hostel with a few games and then a large group of us went to a club and continued to dissect and throw several shapes on the dance floor. I would also later learn that I spent a lot of this evening sneaking in to the background of people's photos. Oops. 

Heads hurting, eyes swelling and slightly still intoxicated, we checked out the in the morning. Later that day we were off to Gagaju Kayaking Camp, in the mean time we headed to the holy grail of all with a hangover, KFC. I'm not one to mention all of our fast food encounters, it's just this one was memorable. In a slightly delirious mood, Jade, Rhi, Alex and I decided to have some banter with the young lad serving us. He couldn't have been out of his teens and he had that dreamy name which teenage girls adore, Corey. We complemented his serving style and demeanour before noticing that he was stood next to an employee of the month plaque (correction; employee of the 'period'. Silly Aussies). After noticing young Corey's absence from the plaque, we came to the decision of compiling a list of reasons to give to his boss, as to why we think Corey should be employee of the month. I won't list them all, but here are a few;

Corey looks you in eyes when he says "chicken".

Corey works on his own with a smile on his face. 

Corey has a gentlemanly demeanour. 

Corey's great with kids, etc. 

The manager was called to the front and with Corey present, I went through the reasons. Corey's face lit up like Leciester Square at Christmas. As the four of us are so cool we even gave Corey our names to FaceBook us. He still hasn't, maybe we came across weird? After reading this whole episode through, I'm sure we were definitely weird, 'twas fun though. God dam your boyband looks Corey, you could've had four great friends.

It was obvious that the dramatics of Corey had left us drained, as we were all suffering. As our minibus arrived to collect us for our four day kayaking trip, we were just about feeling normal, thankfully. We arrived out in the sticks after a stop at the shop for some supplies and were shown around the very basic camp site. There was a really cool feature, a tap poking out of a tree which we used as a sink. However this wasn't enough to convince Jade and Rhi to stick it out for four days in the wild. The first evening was spent getting to know our new group with some games. Yet again we were blessed with meeting a great bunch. Two comical, young Dutch girls, Simone and Kirsty. A middle aged couple from the UK, Kev and Lynn. Two typical northern lasses, Michelle and Emily. A single lady from Hampshire, Mellisa. And finally three young lads who would turn out to become very good friends all the way up the coast, Pascal, a lonesome traveller from Germany and two young guys from Chile, Jose and Javier. 

A restless, mosquito attacked night was followed with an early morning. Jade and Rhi were in charge of lunch as Alex and I cooked dinner the night before (it turns out neither of them can cook to save their lives). It was three people to a kayak so Mel jumped in with Alex and myself, Rhi was with Pascal and Simone and Jade was with Kev and Lynn. (The rest of the paragraph would be best read with a pirate voice). Little did the rest of the boats know, but Alex and I had a plan for the kayaking trip, piracy! Not copying DVD's, but real piracy. Thievery and pointless "g'arrs!". The lake we descended was calm at first, perhaps too calm the others thought. It was clear by the looks in our eyes that mischief was afoot. Within minutes our ship (kayak) had taken the lead and turned to face our enemies. We raced towards Rhianon's scurvy boat and engaged them in a battle of splash wars. As the boats collided Alex and I (co-captains) stole flip flops from right underneath their filthy, land loving feet. G'arr! (Pirate voice can now stop if you so wish).

These shenanigans continued for the 9 miles of the entire kayaking trip. Only Jose's and Pascal's vessels managed to recoup some of their possessions in battle. The group of fifteen of us stopped for a golden kissed picnic at a park looking out at the water. Most people had a deserved nap here too, Rhi and I spent some time together quizzing each other on our knowledge of popular TV show Friends. The girl is good, very good. At this point I feel I should mention that Rhi is actually rarely called 'Rhi', at least not by me anyway. She's acquired the name 'Tink', for the obvious reasons that she's gorgeous, girly and small (not as small as the actual Tinkerbell, just small for a human).

On the way back to camp we tried to find the creek where there was a rope swing apparently, but our valiant efforts were fruitless. A strange thing occured next. After being fine all day, Alex then decides that he's having a bad hangover-one of his major ones. This left Alex at the front of the vessel throwing up over the side and Mel and I doing the work (although Mel did sweet fa!). I wasn't impressed and demoted him to 'Deck Hand' immediately. Eventually we arrived back, Alex went to rest and I tried to teach Tink how to cook pasta (yes people, she can't even cook pasta! Mrs Evans if you're reading this, you have your work cut out :-P). Another night of Ring Of Fire, clothes swapping, ridiculous scenarios acted out and harmless stupidity followed. We also met a few more people to note, Ellen, Naz & Ricardo from Newcastle and Mel & Lauren from Slough. 

The wimps that are Jade and Rhi decided that one day of hard kayaking was enough for them and were going to head back to Noosa to beach it up. It turns out they had a bad night as they were approached by some weird Aussie guys. Alex and I on the otherhand were skint and didn't mind roughing it for free for another night. The next morning our numbers were depleted. We went from fifteen kayakers on day one, to seven on day two. The Super Seven; Kev, Lynn, Michelle, Mel, Pascal, Alex and myself. To our delight the second day was a lot easier, the sun was still lashing rays on to our bare backs like a whip, but the wind was with us as was the current. Following on from a stop at a deserted island, the Super Seven found a pub and enjoyed some food and cricket. A similar night to the previous two occurred and we also met Rivka, a Watford lass who we would encounter several times in the next few weeks. 

Alex and I left the freaky, Hills Have Eyes, style, family run, Gagaju Bush Camp in the morning to be reunited with our smiley compatriots, Rhi and Jade. We chilled on the beach, before getting on a bus to Hervey Bay. The four of us were pretty exhausted by this point and needed our days rest before roughing it again on Fraser island. We checked in to a really cool hostel called the Woolshed, very homely. Instead of chilling by the beach, we were confined to the DVD room, it started to rain...

...it continued to pour...

...then the sky tore open and unleashed hell on anyone and everything below. Only the plant life appreciated what was happening and I'm pretty sure I saw a couple of daisies looking like they'd had enough as they slouched on a patch of grass. This was not what we wanted for Fraser Island. Our Fraser Island tour was booked with Palace and I can honestly say, don't go with them! Yes the rain wasn't their fault but they were no way prepared for it, nor the fifty nine guests they ambitiously booked on. Still, we had a strong group and it was fun. Our 4x4 Jeep had the awesome foursome (I've just made that up, we didn't call ourselves that) Jose and Javier (the guys from Chile we met in Gagaju) and Sjila, from Norway. A good bunch. Alex and I would do most of the driving over the next few days, with Jade and Sjila pitching in on occasions.. Jose & Javier were too young and Tink didnt want to (I think it's because I forgot to pack her car seat :-P). We also grabbed this opportunity to recreate the famous bit in Ace Venturer when he's in the Jeep bobbing around to 'Chitty Chitty Bang Bang', immature but we were all sufficently tickled. Driving through the mud and sand was also a lot of fun, even in the rain and our many sing-a-longs were also highly comical. A lot of Disney happened. 

Our two tour guides were called Rango and Johnny Ray Tard. Rango was a weathered man, he looked as if he'd been there, done it and done it again. A John Locke type of guy, I liked him. Johnny, well let's just say Johnny was simple. By the time they took us to our 'camp' it was obvious that they had bitten off more than they could chew. The camp site was never going to allow for fifty nine people to cook, eat and drink in the dry. Rumbles of groaning and moaning crept in from the large British contingent. Johnny decided to take us to a nearby hostel instead. Upon our arrival Johnny Ray Tard announced that if we wanted to stay there then we would have to pay $17 a night. Those rumbles of moans soon erupted into angry voices, non more so then mine and Alex's. After a group of us said our piece to Johnny about how "it's the tours fault they haven't prepared for all of us and we shouldn't have to pay", he called his boss. Surprisingly I was given the responsibility of speaking to the boss on the groups' behalf. In a nutshell he said if we didn't want to pay then we go and sit, cook and eat in the rain. I told him how all 59 of us would bad mouth his tour all the way up the coast. He didnt care. So I'm doing it on here too. It was also clear that Johnny didn't want to camp as he was clearly pushing people to pay. Despite mine and Alex's determination, we were never going to camp on our own so reluctantly paid. Luckily we had a lot of fun in the evenings with the standard drinking rules and Ring Of Fire (which we have now compiled the best rules for) game. Fraser really is a beautiful place. Amazing sand dunes, gorgeous lakes, epic cliffs of oranges and pinks and even a cool ship wreck. Even in the rain Lake McKenzie was awesome. Turquoise water, clear enough to see underwater, pure enough to drink. It was something out of a Davidoff Cool Water advert. It was especially fun when the four of us were flipping off each others' shoulders and then having shoulder fights. Tink being on my shoulders, Jade on Alex's, they were both pretty useless to be honest. I'll have to toughen Rhi up at some point. I drove the Jeep back to the hostel, everyone apart from Tink, who kept me company, slept. The cheek of them. I decided to wake them up with a sharp punch on the break and a loud scream. Alex's face was a particular delight. No rest for the wicked, as soon as we arrived back from Fraser we were on another bus. This time to to Agnes Water, 1770. We would be staying here for four nights. Giving us time to chill before our next adventure. 

Agnes Water is a lovely little town, a few shops and restaurants, a gorgeous beach and a few chilled out hostels. It was exactly what the four of us wanted. When we wanted to have a drink, we drank. When we wanted to chill, we chilled. It was good. We stayed at 1770 backpackers, clean, comfy and a free BBQ every night. 1770 is famous for two things, the Cast Away trip, where they fly out 7 of you to a deserted island to sleep for the night and for Scooteroo. Scooteroo is a tour around Agnes Water on mopeds. These are no ordinary mopeds though. They've been kitted out to look like Harley Davison bikes. Big handle bars, red and yellow flames burning along the paint work, some even with the American flag. Money dictated that we do the much cheaper Scooteroo tour and we weren't disappointed. There was a large group of us 'Bikers'; Kay, Ellen, Jenna (a lovely scouse lass from our hostel), Jade, Rhi, Alex and myself. In true biker spirit I donned a bandanna and painted on a Freddy Mercury handle bar moustache, courtesy of Tink's eye liner. Jenna and I also painted LOVE and HATE on our knuckles, yes I know what you're thinking, we are cool!

The actual tour is superbly put together, when you arrive you get given a flamed leather jacket and helmet to match. They also supply you with fake tattoos too, fun times. Alex and I were near the front leading the way with the girls and the rest of the group following. Tink had the pleasure of riding with one of the workers on their 'proper' bikes, continually speeding past us on our measly 50cc bikes. Some of you back home may be thinking how pathetic 50cc is, but it was truly hilarious. I've never felt so exhilarated, cool, and hard at the same time. I want a motorbike. A particular highlight was when Alex and I spent about an hour continually overtaking each other to take 1st position. In the end neither of us won, some Dutch girl overtook us both. I was spitting feathers. Still we had lots of cool photos to remember the occasion and I even got my Hollywood pic of me on the proper bike with a gorgeous blonde (Tink) holding on behind me. Sweet. On the penultimate day in Agnes Water, Rhi wanted to get the middle bit of her ear pierced, the thick bit of cartilage. I went with her as I said I too would get my ears pierced, just the lobes though. Tink's piercing looked painful, in fact I know it was as she had hold of my hands through the whole process. Although she may not look strong, this day she was. Rhiannon crushed the bones in my fingers, now I know what you women feel when discussing child birth. Poor old Rhi was suffering too, the women piercing her ear was really shaky and made Mohamed Ali look steady handed. Still, we both survived and were pleased with the results. I also purchased a Cowboy hat at this time in preparation for my most anticipated day yet, Kroombit Cattle Ranch, aka Cowboy camp. Yeehaa!